I couldn’t believe it. A simple trip to grab a few things at the grocery store last week had left me feeling completely exhausted, overwhelmed and in tears. Since each one of my 4 children were young, we have gone over the same things before getting out of the car and going anywhere in public. Use your manners, be polite, listen and please, please, please keep your hands to yourself. My children are 12, 9, 7 and 4, so most of the time when I am mentioning these things, I feel that my older two most likely have got that part down. Maybe my expectations are too high sometimes because who knew a grocery store could be so stimulating? Our little trip ended up feeling like I had brought the whole circus to town!
Before we even walked into the store, everyone’s listening skills went right out the window. Everyone was talking (not taking turns talking) and the laughing, knee slapping and rambunctious behavior started getting out of control quickly. After placing my youngest into the shopping cart, I proceeded to make my way through the store quickly and efficiently, ignoring the silly conversations taking place all around me while constantly reminding my children to stay behind me, out of the aisle for other shoppers and to keep up with my pace.
On top of that, I now hear, “Mom, I’m cold, Mom, we need this or that, Mom, is it almost lunch time?, I’m hungry…” types of comments. There was also the “Are they going to give us a piece of cheese (which some employees do)?” question from one while we were at the deli, a “Hey, look there mirrors over here…look at me, look at me!” when we were over in the meat section and “Oh, I want some donuts Mom, can we get donuts…” as we passed through the bakery section on our way to checkout. You would think that I had never taken my children to the grocery store… EVER!
The checkout lines were long, I sternly reminded my children what was expected of them (even though it didn’t phase them) and my anxiety was building. I had a lot on my mind. Work, family matters, and many to-do lists going through my mind and I just couldn’t believe their behavior. To me it was almost unreal because I would say the majority of the time, things go well with maybe a hiccup here or there. I felt like I was talking and no one could even hear me, almost like this was some kind of joke!
Together we loaded the groceries into the car, got buckled and as I sat back into my seat and put on my sunglasses I felt my eyes fill with tears. What the heck had happened in there?
On the short drive home I told my children how disappointed I was, giving them specific examples of how certain things were inappropriate and unacceptable. There was only complete silence….”Are you kidding me!” I said. “Not once in the whole hour we were at the store did any of you listen or be quiet, but now no one has anything to say?”
“Well, there’s nothing interesting in here.” my oldest son said. Wow…
I guess the point is, is that as a mother, you are going to have times when your children act completely the opposite of how you want them to. I have learned in my 12 years of parenting so far that I cannot control everything all of the time, especially when there are 4 different personalities and their interactions with each other to deal with. Maybe they were feeling goofy, maybe they had to burn off some energy or maybe they just wanted to push my buttons and rebel a little, I don’t know.
I’ve been the mother who takes her child out of a store or restaurant even when I wasn’t finished, I’ve been the mother who puts her child in time out on the playground (My children know there is a time out everywhere), and I’ve also been the mother who at the end of the day discusses the behavior with my children so they can understand why it wasn’t acceptable and why we don’t act that way so they can learn.
I’ve gotten looks before, I’ve heard people say,”I can’t believe her child is screaming like that!”, or “Wow, she must be tired!” when my daughter would whine and cross her arms and be angry with me. One thing I haven’t done is judge. Without all of these teaching moments, how would my children learn? There has to be that moment where a that lightbulb goes off in your child’s head where they realize that if I do “A”, then my consequence is “B”. When I see or hear another mother dealing with a not so pleasant situation, unless someone is in harms way, I mind my own business. That’s her teaching moment and how she chooses to deal with it, whether I like it or not, does not concern me. It’s not my business, just like it’s not someone else’s business to comment on my parenting or children.
Last week I read a story about a Bakery Store owner who took matters into her own hands when a young child was getting noisy at her establishment. The owner slammed her hands down on a counter and told the child to shut up. It is so interesting to read the responses to her actions because everyone but everyone has an opinion about it! What’s yours?
For starters, as annoying and frustrating as having a disruptive customer may be, again if someone is not in harms way, I do not believe it is your place to discipline someone else’s child or have your own temper tantrum and yell at the child! When you are in the middle of a temper tantrum moment with your child, as a parent, you are feeling frustrated too. You are trying to figure out in your mind what the appropriate discipline should be and how you are going to get through to your child that their behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. As much as these moments are teaching moments for the child, they are also teaching moments for the parent. They are not an opportunity for an outsider to teach you how to parent. You may not agree with someone else’s parenting, but who are you to say that your parenting style is better or that you are the authority on proper behavior? Each family is different and each child is different.
I am sure there are some parents out there who let their children “run wild”. I’m sure that’s what it looked like at the grocery store this past week, and if it didn’t, that was how I felt. I was feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and disappointed. The last thing I would have needed was an outsider to point that out to me and to judge me. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and put yourself in someone else’s shoes. As strong as your feelings may be, they are no more important than someone else’s.
Have a great week!
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